Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Happiness in a Tube

Yesterday, as I was getting ready to take a shower, I decided to play songs from my ipod to occupy my mind as I bathe. I find myself thinking at a million miles an hour each time I step into my daily ritual. I think of the day ahead, how to improve on the business, what other opportunities we could get into, how to generate more income and how to maximize the personnel's skills, etc. etc. Since it was my day off, I decided to simply not think...about anything. And so I played songs that are at least four years old and set the ipod on shuffle. As I clicked the play button, the song "Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me was blasted through the stereo. I didn't even know I had this song in my ipod.  Something about it caught my attention. The words "Bring me Joy, Bring me Peace, Bring the chance to be Free, Bring me anything for your Glory," just washed over me. As I stood there stunned and transfixed, and admittedly struck, I realized just how far I've strayed from my faith.  I don't remember the last time I've gone to church or been to confession (even though I don't believe that priests have better access to God and can therefore offer absolution). I can't remember the last time I've done something nice for my fellow man that didn't benefit me, nor the time I gave to charity. In my over focused desire to achieve all the goals I've set out for myself, I realized I have become a monster. I forgot how it was to be compassionate, merciful, patient and kind. Bottom line, I've turned into a major bitch. As I laid there listening to the song, a plethora of emotions just came crushing down on me. I cried for the person I once was, and the person I long to be again. And for the first time in a very, very, very long time, I surrendered. I finally admitted to God and to myself that I cannot do everything on my own. That I'm nothing without HIM. That everything I have is due to HIM. I felt ashamed for my arrogance and pride. As I thought of how I've treated others lately, I was mortified by my behavior. And so I decided to change. I realize its not going to be easy. I'll probably go through so many trials before becoming that sweet, kind and selfless person again. But dammit, I want to change. And I want to change for the better.
So I decided that from this day forward, I will count all my blessings. I will look at the cup as almost full rather than half empty. I will start each day by consciously reminding myself to be patient and kind. And most of all to strive to be selfless. As I listened to this song over and over again, I realize that my prayers are being heard. Sometimes guidance come from someone advising us, or through a song, or through something we read, or through people we meet. I truly feel blessed and humbled. I don't know what I've done to deserve a million second chances. Because I truly don't deserve anything. Not with the way I've been behaving. But nevertheless, I want to say thank you, Lord for everything. And I'm sorry for that I have done.
By posting this song, I hope that it will move someone's life in a similar fashion as it did to mine. This song brought me back to earth. And I hope that it will serve a similar purpose in someone else's life.

1 comment:

jeaners said...

This is so moving Kat. :)